The first step to getting your ex back is to identify the cause of the problems between you. It’s important to know that sometimes what appears to be the problem is really just a symptom of a deeper issue. It’s often much easier for an objective third party to identify this. Emotions tend to cloud and confuse everything when you are in the middle of the situation.
Sometimes a problem is easily fixable, for example if it’s a communication issue and you just need to approach your partner differently. Sometimes it’s fixable but takes some work, for example if it’s due to trust issues you just need some patience while your partner gets comfortable. Sometimes a problem isn’t fixable, for example if your partner just doesn’t want to commit due to personality or timing issues.
First steps to get your ex back
1. Be honest with yourself, step back from your emotions, and look at things objectively.
2. Ask yourself why did the relationship really end? Ignore any heated arguments or things which were said. What was the underlying reason? Is that problem or disagreement fixable?
3. Ask yourself if you really want to make the sacrifices needed to fix it. In the heat of the moment it may feel like that’s the only option, but is your reaction just a reflex?
4. Evaluate the relationship. How good were the good parts? How bad were the bad parts? If you could have that all back, would you want it?
5. How well do you (really!) know your partner? How well do you know yourself? Do you have the same goals? Are you moving in the same direction? If you get your ex back now, will the same problem(s) happen all over again?
6. Make a list of the ways you would need to change in order for the relationship to work (don’t assume your partner will change at all)
7. Add up the cost to you of making those changes. Is the relationship worth that price to you?
8. Make a list of all the things you would like to change about your partner. How realistic is it that they could change them? How likely is it you could pursuade them to do so?
9. Decide which is the easiest thing to change from your list in step 6 and your partners in step 8, and come up with a plan on how to start changing it.